Whole30 Day 7: Bathroom Selfie & Fangirl-ing So Hard

by Tara Clever

This time last week I was in the fetal position in a complete, self-induced Shake Shack coma. It is incredibly hard to believe that it has been a week, and in some ways, how in the world has it only been a week?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been struck by the sheer amount of space that Whole30 occupies in my brain. I now totally get why the Whole30 crew does not recommend starting a new habit during these first thirty days. I flirted with the idea of taking up yoga this month, but I have a feeling I’d be in Down Dog wondering if this pose was Whole30 compliant.

“Um, ma’am, does this pose include soy lecithin? I found it in my green tea earlier this week, which was super upsetting, so just need to be super sure that my yoga practice is not comprised of any surprise, soy-based ingredients.”

Even though I feel like my entire life is happening through a Whole30 lens I decided to try some social interaction on for size this weekend. Melissa strongly advises to avoid being a Whole30 Hermit, and a group of my buds wanted to go out for drinks on Saturday, so I decided to bust a soda-water-with-lime move and join.

While I wasn’t totally sure what to expect, not drinking while everyone was drinking was so much easier than anticipated. I found that alcohol makes all of your friends really happy. Way happier than usual. Which in turn makes you happy. We chatted, told stories, multiple people pulled me aside to ask me to come clean and tell them I was pregnant (nah, just pregnant with the promise of Food Freedom Forever!)…it was great!

Collective reaction to my pregnancy denial.

I sipped my soda water with a satisfied smirk. I was doing it! I was out and in the world and doing it. The only thing that was slowly creeping across my consciousness is that while we had been out and about for a few hours, there was no mention of food. Everyone’s belly was full of cocktails and beer and extreme happiness and I was probably the only one with hunger signals still alive and kicking.

We decide to change venues to one of my fave places in DC and as we walked I was stopped in my tracks by an unmistakable and familiar scent…

“Oh, hello there my old friend,” I thought.

American Ice Company has DC’s top rated nacho’s and they are my favorite. The Ghost of Nachos Past wafted around me and wrapped me in an embrace only pork and cheese covered tortilla chips can. I was totally emotionally prepared to pass on the drinks that I had not accounted for being hungry and simultaneously assaulted with the sweet, sweet scent of queso.

Not tonight Satan.

I decided something had to be done. I pulled an almond butter packet from my pocket and excused myself. I walked toward the bathroom realizing that I was quite literally going to get a fix of Justin’s Almond Butter in the American Ice bathroom, which I have to imagine is a first for their establishment.

There was a line so I waited patiently and when I was up I hurried in and tore open the packet.

Folks, I don’t know if you have ever tried to consume almond butter, out of a packet, in a hurry, but it isn’t cute. There is a lot of smacking, a lot of squeezing, and a lot of pacing because you know that people are waiting but you also want every single ounce of your emergency food stash. There were Swacho’s out there for God’s sake!

Since I had some time on my hands because my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, I took my first ever bathroom selfie to commemorate this proud (?) moment in my Whole30 journey.

Questionable graffiti really sets off this pic, IMO.

So crisis avoided. I consumed exactly zero Swacho’s and made it through the night with flying colors.

And while Jen has already covered this, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that my Sunday included meeting the woman at the center of it all, Melissa Hartwig.

Yes I fangirl-ed.

Yes I had back sweat.

Yes a semi-frantic “Woo Woo” escaped my lips when she walked out and I think I looked like a human-sized praise hand emoji.

And guys. We got a chance to chat with her after the interview portion and she hugged me (!!!!).

I can’t possibly imagine what about my behavior leading up to this moment would have led a complete stranger to think, “this tiny blonde girl with the somewhat upsetting back sweat situation will probably want this interaction documented.”

The outcome…

Jen and Philippe’s eyes were closed in pure state of Whole30 bliss.

A closer look.

Really held it together.

Yep. Pretty much sums it up.

We had a chance to send her off with food from Territory and then this happened.

That is not just any Green Room. That is the ‘Live with Kelly & Ryan’ Green Room.

Literally. Dead.

So it is safe to say that my Day 7 is largely riding the Melissa Hartwig Hugged Me high and a renewed confidence now that I know that weekends aren’t as scary as they seemed at first.

Also, I haven’t tried to murder anyone with my eyes today so I think that is a Non-Scale Victory we can all agree is a profound step in the right direction.

The Territory gals with the Queen Bae.

PSA: if you reside in the DC, SoCal, San Francisco or Dallas areas and want to give Territory’s Whole30 Approved meals a whirl, use code JANW30 when creating your account to snag $50 off your first order. Or just click the magic box below.

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