Trailing but a few days behind, I’ve caught up with Tara’s subconscious. Whole30 dreams are now a thing. I’m not yet seeking Michelle and Barack’s parenting advice for my unwanted alien babies, but never say never.

IRL (for those that don’t participate in the disintegration of language movement — In Real Life) we are fully saturated in The Crown. We’ve redirected our overconsumption of booze to the complexities of the world’s longest reigning monarch. Think we plowed through 5 episodes this weekend, have two remaining. But, who’s counting. When we’re not watching, most of my waking moments are spent trying to precisely mimic her pronunciation of “thank you” and “secretary”. Close, but no cigar.

Last night, in the depths of my shuteye, I was tasked with convincing The Queen to participate in her first Whole30. The woman loves her morning biscuits — and as she should. Girl’s had that gig FOR. SO. LONG. As one may imagine, this particular job of persuasion was a tough one. So tough that I woke, IRL, in a lot of sweat. I came to too early to know if my promise of Tiger Blood, sustained energy, and peaceful slumbers were enough to persuade her. My gut tells me she likely would’ve caved at the long list of NSVs.

Coincidence, I think not, that we (both Tara and I) get to meet our very own Queen Bae tonight. Folks, tonight we meet Melissa. I’m heading into the book signing event with all aspirations of keeping the fangirling to a minimum. I make zero promises.

3 glorious hours later

The sheer number of emotions racing through my veins is hard to capture in mere words. We spent the evening at a lovely nest of an establishment, Politics and Prose where Melissa Hartwig herself was interviewed by David Leonhardt from the little known publication, The New York Times. Casual Sunday.

She inspired a packed-to-the-walls room, gracefully navigated her way through audience questions, spoke so thoughtfully and honestly about the power of a healthy relationship with food, signed hundreds (millions?) of books, and did so with that big ‘ol beautiful smile and THOSE ARMS. Girl, bye. For a play by play of the evening, check out @territoryfoods instagram stories.

And then the most magical of all the things happened. We were given the opportunity to send Melissa The Earth Angel to the airport with Whole30 approved Territory meals in tow.

What a gem. A real gem, ladies and gents. IS THIS WHAT TIGER BLOOD FEELS LIKE? If so, imma be Whole30’ing for the rest of my life. Day 6, you slayed.