Whole30 Day 21: Ma has the Dysentery

by Tara Clever
Whole30 Day 21: Ma has the Dysentery

I was ready to roll on Saturday night.

I had my Soda Water Resistance Elixir mixed and placed in an easy-to-smuggle, reused Kombucha jar.

Nothing to see here folks, just some juice and herbs designed to sneak into a bar.

This bad boy fit in my jacket pocket which increased the convenience and but potentially also the sketchy factor.

Puppy included for scale. Puppy side-eye noted.

I was ready.

Well, turns out we ended up going to a friend’s house instead of out to a bar so the elixir was stashed and saved for another night. I fully expected that night to be last night as we had a birthday party to attend, but unfortunately…

I was struck down with the plague.

Yep, the above picture was the last vertical image of me taken before I was rendered horizontal for what I can only guess will be the rest of my life.

Folks, I haven’t felt this sick in years. It came out of nowhere and to say that I am grumps about it is a massive understatement.

You see, I was under the impression that Whole30 made me Wonder Woman. I actually thought that was part of the deal. I’ve been eating my weight in kale, diligently writing in my Day by Day journal and choking down soda water in lieu of booze…how could these sacrifices not equal bad ass invincibility?

Immune System Expectations:

Whole30 versus Germs.

Immune System Reality:

Actually me.

I am on hour 50 or so of being almost completely couch bound. My new puppy lays on me like he’s the family dog in Oregon Trail and he just know Ma has the Dysentery.

But even with the increase in puppy snuggles, I can’t help but be a little miffed. Maybe my Wonder Woman expectations were a little high but how can the proportion of good things I have done for my body result in absolute snot-filled dumpster fire that is my face right now? And have I mentioned that I can physically feel my muscles dying? Every single one of them is aching as they dissolve into vapor, which is clearly the only reasonable, logical explanation for how I’m feeling…spontaneous muscle vaporization.

As always when faced with Whole30 frustration or uncertainty I consulted the all knowing Whole30 website and found this thoughtful, thorough and completely supportive document on facing Death Viruses (my term) while on Whole30.

And of course reading it made me feel calmer and more prepared to tackle whatever this germ is that has taken hold of my body. Predictably I found myself so appreciative for the community surrounding this thirty day journey because without it I would be face-first into a box of saltines right now, staring at a Day 1 around the corner from my cracker binge.

Dangit, Melissa, I just can’t stay mad at you.

So the update on my Soda Water Resistance will have to wait until I emerge back into the land of the living, until then I will continue my hard work on making a permanent Tara-shaped indentation in my couch.

Current view. Cropped out my face for your own safety and well-being.

P.S. You HAVE to read about Jen’s new phone (who dis) and her fab dinner out! Check it out here.

PSA: if you reside in the DC, SoCal, San Francisco or Dallas areas and want to give Territory’s Whole30 Approved meals a whirl, use code JANW30 when creating your account to snag $50 off your first order. Or just click the magic box below.

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